Well, where do I begin. I know that this blog is for showing different creations that I've made in regards to pottery, but I feel so compelled to tell my story.
For about 18 months to 2 years now, I've known that I was suppose to start looking for new work. It was in my gut. However, I do not like change, and in fact, I'm the world's worst to initiate any change. My philosophy has always been "don't rock the boat." Well, that's worked for awhile.
If you asked me 10 weeks ago, did I trust God. I would have said, "most definitely!" if not, "well, of course!" But I don't know if I could have honestly answered that I trusted God with "Everything."
Two weekends ago, my pastor preached on having Faith but having fear & doubt with your faith. He concluded the sermon with the statement that it was okay to have fear & doubt with your faith but you should never allow your fear to paralyze you. Wow, at that moment I realized that I was paralyzed in my fear. Move along to Monday evening while I was doing my Bible study lesson. (I'm doing the Beth Moore revised Breaking Free) The lesson was week two, day one -- she gives the definition of what captivity is. Captivity is defined as anything that hinders the abundant and effective spirit filled life God has planned for you.
I sat on my bed, questioning whether I was a captive or not, and if so, what had me captive?
There as I was doing my soul searching, I recalled my pastor's message from the day before. That was it, I'm a captive to fear. Paralyzing fear. All I knew to do at that moment was to confess it, and I did. Move forward to Thursday night's lesson, which was finding/experiencing satisfaction in God. The key verse for that lesson was Isaiah 55:2. I read the verse there in the margin of my workbook. When I looked at it, however, all I saw was "Why...labor on what does not satisfy?" Although it was not audible, I heard God speak. I knew that I was going to have to act soon in faith to show that I was not being paralyzed by fear any longer.
Then Friday morning arrived. I've always said that God speaks to me in the middle of the night by waking me up and not letting me return to sleep. I've rationalized this by saying that's the only time I'm still and there's nothing to distract me. Okay well, my wake up call came early Friday morning. God gave me this HUGE revelation. He told me that I had been trusting in something else besides him. That's why I would not move. I had security in this thing. He then explained that in order for me to step out in faith and trust him completely he had to remove this "thing" from my life. That is exactly what he did almost 10 weeks ago. He removed it. GONE. I mean gone. No sight of it returning. What did I do?? I cried and asked over and over why this was happening. And at some point, (in between my pity party)I knew that I only had one choice on what to do. Trust God. Since then, I've been totally trusting him, and I've seen his fingerprints all over things that have happened over the last 10 weeks, and they just make me smile. Well, Friday morning while I was ironing my clothes --- it was definitely my "aha" moment and I realized why this all was happening. This entire season of my life was to teach me to be obedient and having just enough faith to trust God. I knew that morning I would have to make my move.
And I did. I stepped out in faith and for once I know I was obedient to do what God told me to do. And the peace, oh the peace I had that day and still do. Is everything gonna be just beautiful and smell like roses? I'm almost certain it's not, but that's just a side note. I'm walking right now not by sight but by faith. I'm ready for the ride. Beth Moore often says "There's no high like the most high." I'm living that right now. Thank you for letting me share.
"Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself." 2 Timothy 2:11-13
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